1 brick at a time.

Today was a very interesting day for me. The first half of my day was hyper focused, uncharacteristically efficient, calm and productive. The second half was exhausting and emotional.

I think this shift from high energy to low through out my entire day and evening is due in part to the fact that I drank a bunch of Matte this morning. My diet has been pretty much nothing but Kichadi, Salads and water for a week at least now. I have not had any coffee either. I think this sudden ingestion of stimulants, albeit even mild ones, caused me to become unbalanced.

The duality that I experienced quit extreme. I woke up at around 8, did my practices, and then got ready for work while sucking down 2 great big mugs of Matte. I cannot stress how focused and efficient I was at work. I am just not used to being like that. Also of note was the fact that my whole pelvis was aching all day. My hip joints and all the viscera in my pelvis where in grinding pain for about a quarter of my day.

Then around 2 o'clock the wind just left my sails and by 5 I thought I was going to pass the fuck out. When I got home tonight I was filled with so much anxiety and grief. At times it was so intense that that I felt like my stomach was cramping.

My housemate A and I seem to be syncing up in some ways. During one of my more painful waves of anxiety I walked into the living room so I could scrunch up on the floor and A was standing at the window looking at the night.
She saw m come in and asked me what was up. I told her that I had anxiety rippling through me and that I was walking around to deal with it. She smiled kinda sad like and said it must be a big wave cause I'm feeling the same way.

I really like living here at this new house. Aside from the fact that it is very cold, it is exactly the kind of place I wanted to end up at. It is clean, full of health, intention and care. I love my housemates much as well. I am connecting with them much more closely then I ever did at IK.
I do love it here.
Which is why It pains me that I might have to move out in a few months. This house is apparently going to be sold. I asked for my Karma, and I seem to be getting it.
So much change and turmoil.

As I'm typing now I feel a little better. I did my practices and they always ground me out. Writing like this and externalizing is very helpful as well.

Now I sleep.

I look forward to my dreams tonight.

Bless